earlyglasscollector
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I posted this little ditty and pics on one of the UK forums some months ago, and thought you guys might like to see it... (get yourself a cup of coffee first! - you'll get used to my posts, sorry!)
Once upon a time (in around 1670) there was a little shaft and globe bottle, a nice strong, deep bodied individual with a medium to long neck and a nice "hat" on his head with a good brim. He was regularly filled, corked, uncorked, emptied and refilled, he was pushed back and forth on the dining table until his bottom got rough, his insides glowing with wine and filling dainty wine glasses which he enjoyed, listening to the conversations and the laughter and he liked to think that people appreciated the job he was doing holding his precious contents. But sometimes humans, the rough, shouting ones sometimes ripped his nice copper wire off tied around his stringrim and dug at his wooden stopper and threw it away and then put his whole head in their mouth and glugged down his insides, slavering sickeningly with terrible blubbery lips that you didn't know where they might have been!
....Ugh! that was the one part of being a bottle he didn't like. Then one day, minding his own business, enjoying just sitting there in the dark cellar with his friends and wondering how long it had been since his insides, which were empty would be filled once again, and when the dust would be rubbed off his surface, when suddenly he was scooped up on a shovel, thrown into a wooden barrow and trundled off to the woods, where without a moment to steady himself he was tipped out and fell down and down a long rocky slope, banging himself time and again, rolling ever more quickly until suddenly he hit a huge stone which agonizingly cracked his neck and broke off all his beloved hat, his cherished string rim and deep lip, and much of his neck, broke away and lost to him for ever...
He sat in the bottom of this wet hole, for how long he didn't know. His sides got wet continually and his skin was leached away in places, and left a multicoloured goldy iridescence there, which got better and better, but he always missed his nice long neck and his stringrim and his deep lip....
And so he sat for years, until one day a human showed him the sunlight, he was bottom up at first, and the human was grabbing him around his unmentionables, and gradually feeling around his body and pulling steadily. The little shaft and globe didn't know what to say!, but he was ashamed to be seen, and the human gradually ever so carefully pulled him out of the mud and stone and was cheering and excaliming "yes, yes....it is....!"...until suddenly the human pulled him right out and saw his neck, or rather the sorry stump of it, and swore loudly and profainly..."shit...shit...oh bloody shit!".... said the human and put him still carefully in his bag.
The little shaft and globe stood in an old garden shed for years, and humans would come and go, looking at him and saying "oh...damn shame that!"... and would pass him on..... and the little bottle grew ever more ashamed and developed a complex, and for two pins would have started smoking, if only he had had a cigarette....and could smoke....but then finally he was taken to a big show and put on a stand amongst other bottles, but which were complete and he hid his face in shame, and someone bought him home and put him on their shelf, and showed his wife the little shaft and globe's nice iridescence on his body and the wife said how lovely he was, and the little shaft and globe began to think that perhaps he didn't look too bad and this new owner seemed to quite like him.
And one day he was sent to another place where he was put with many other bottles the same age as he was, but nearly all totally complete and very proud of themselves, and some of them had special seals on their shoulders and were very conceited about it and showed off. "Look at my date" they said, "see how my body shines, and look at my pontil"...(at this stage they would often show him their bottom, and sometimes he just didn't know where to look!!), and they laughed at him and said "but you're all damaged" and "you're valueless" they said. But the little shaft and globe remembered he had got a good iridescence apparently and was admired by women and he was strong body and didn't let them bully him.
Then one day he was taken up and had this horrible grey gloopy stuff slopped around his stump on his neck, and his body was coated with some special wax that felt good and made his skin stop peeling off. The grey gloopy stuff went hard, it was a funny feeling, and then more gloopy stuff was put on, and more again, and then he was picked up and a dreadful loud noise and vibrating and the grey gloopy stuff was ground down and there was dust everywhere. Then more was put on him, and more grinding...it was worse than being at the dentists, which he always hated, and then the human started to scrape at his new grey prothesis and it was tickly but interesting, and there was more gloopyiness and more grinding and scraping, until one day his new shape was pronounced acceptable. At this stage he was sprayed with a dense choking paint, just his new bit, and let dry and then again, and then there was some more scraping, and a little more gloop, and grinding and scraping again, and more paint. then finally he saw some special bottles with bright glittery colours in them, and the human was carefully painting the gold and metallic colours on his head, and swearing and then rubbing them off and doing it again, and more colours and different colours, and he was gradually built up. the little shaft and globe realised he had had his picture taken every day and wondered what the end result would be, but finally the grand day came, and his own human came back and picked him up and said "oh wow, that's great"....and turned him round and round until he was dizzy, and his human showed him to his wife and put him on his shelves with his other aged bottles, and the little shaft and globe was very proud of his new neck and his wide saturn stringrim and deep lip, and especially of his bright metallic colours which more or less matched his body now.
And then his picture appeared on a forum and he was famous.
Once again he was a proud shaft and globe with a medium long neck and a whole body and he could respect himself once again!
The end.....
earlyglasscollector www.earlyglass.com
Once upon a time (in around 1670) there was a little shaft and globe bottle, a nice strong, deep bodied individual with a medium to long neck and a nice "hat" on his head with a good brim. He was regularly filled, corked, uncorked, emptied and refilled, he was pushed back and forth on the dining table until his bottom got rough, his insides glowing with wine and filling dainty wine glasses which he enjoyed, listening to the conversations and the laughter and he liked to think that people appreciated the job he was doing holding his precious contents. But sometimes humans, the rough, shouting ones sometimes ripped his nice copper wire off tied around his stringrim and dug at his wooden stopper and threw it away and then put his whole head in their mouth and glugged down his insides, slavering sickeningly with terrible blubbery lips that you didn't know where they might have been!
....Ugh! that was the one part of being a bottle he didn't like. Then one day, minding his own business, enjoying just sitting there in the dark cellar with his friends and wondering how long it had been since his insides, which were empty would be filled once again, and when the dust would be rubbed off his surface, when suddenly he was scooped up on a shovel, thrown into a wooden barrow and trundled off to the woods, where without a moment to steady himself he was tipped out and fell down and down a long rocky slope, banging himself time and again, rolling ever more quickly until suddenly he hit a huge stone which agonizingly cracked his neck and broke off all his beloved hat, his cherished string rim and deep lip, and much of his neck, broke away and lost to him for ever...
He sat in the bottom of this wet hole, for how long he didn't know. His sides got wet continually and his skin was leached away in places, and left a multicoloured goldy iridescence there, which got better and better, but he always missed his nice long neck and his stringrim and his deep lip....
And so he sat for years, until one day a human showed him the sunlight, he was bottom up at first, and the human was grabbing him around his unmentionables, and gradually feeling around his body and pulling steadily. The little shaft and globe didn't know what to say!, but he was ashamed to be seen, and the human gradually ever so carefully pulled him out of the mud and stone and was cheering and excaliming "yes, yes....it is....!"...until suddenly the human pulled him right out and saw his neck, or rather the sorry stump of it, and swore loudly and profainly..."shit...shit...oh bloody shit!".... said the human and put him still carefully in his bag.
The little shaft and globe stood in an old garden shed for years, and humans would come and go, looking at him and saying "oh...damn shame that!"... and would pass him on..... and the little bottle grew ever more ashamed and developed a complex, and for two pins would have started smoking, if only he had had a cigarette....and could smoke....but then finally he was taken to a big show and put on a stand amongst other bottles, but which were complete and he hid his face in shame, and someone bought him home and put him on their shelf, and showed his wife the little shaft and globe's nice iridescence on his body and the wife said how lovely he was, and the little shaft and globe began to think that perhaps he didn't look too bad and this new owner seemed to quite like him.
And one day he was sent to another place where he was put with many other bottles the same age as he was, but nearly all totally complete and very proud of themselves, and some of them had special seals on their shoulders and were very conceited about it and showed off. "Look at my date" they said, "see how my body shines, and look at my pontil"...(at this stage they would often show him their bottom, and sometimes he just didn't know where to look!!), and they laughed at him and said "but you're all damaged" and "you're valueless" they said. But the little shaft and globe remembered he had got a good iridescence apparently and was admired by women and he was strong body and didn't let them bully him.
Then one day he was taken up and had this horrible grey gloopy stuff slopped around his stump on his neck, and his body was coated with some special wax that felt good and made his skin stop peeling off. The grey gloopy stuff went hard, it was a funny feeling, and then more gloopy stuff was put on, and more again, and then he was picked up and a dreadful loud noise and vibrating and the grey gloopy stuff was ground down and there was dust everywhere. Then more was put on him, and more grinding...it was worse than being at the dentists, which he always hated, and then the human started to scrape at his new grey prothesis and it was tickly but interesting, and there was more gloopyiness and more grinding and scraping, until one day his new shape was pronounced acceptable. At this stage he was sprayed with a dense choking paint, just his new bit, and let dry and then again, and then there was some more scraping, and a little more gloop, and grinding and scraping again, and more paint. then finally he saw some special bottles with bright glittery colours in them, and the human was carefully painting the gold and metallic colours on his head, and swearing and then rubbing them off and doing it again, and more colours and different colours, and he was gradually built up. the little shaft and globe realised he had had his picture taken every day and wondered what the end result would be, but finally the grand day came, and his own human came back and picked him up and said "oh wow, that's great"....and turned him round and round until he was dizzy, and his human showed him to his wife and put him on his shelves with his other aged bottles, and the little shaft and globe was very proud of his new neck and his wide saturn stringrim and deep lip, and especially of his bright metallic colours which more or less matched his body now.
And then his picture appeared on a forum and he was famous.
Once again he was a proud shaft and globe with a medium long neck and a whole body and he could respect himself once again!
The end.....
earlyglasscollector www.earlyglass.com
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