Harry Pristis
Well-Known Member
I must say that I find this thread to be an interesting phenomenon. I suspect that the relative anonymity of the Internet alters the normal patterns of conversation, breaks down some normal reservations.
This is the sort of personal information men who are casual acquaintances usually do not exchange face-to-face. Try to imagine 5 or 6 middle-aged men standing around at a bottle-show and someone for no apparent reason asks, "How old are you?" Then try to imagine some of the men volunteering an answer. It just doesn't happen in the normal course of conversation.
I am interested in social psychology, and this seems to be an anomaly. Here is a handout I prepared for a class I offered a few years ago. It deals with patterns of conversation which predominate in each gender, but I think you'll see the connection. Tell me what you think.
----------------------Harry Pristis
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences. From childhood, girls criticize peers who try to stand out or appear better than others. Women feel their closest connections at home, or in settings where they feel at home--with one or a few people they feel close to and comfortable with--in other words, during private speaking or rapport talk.
For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. This is done by exhibiting knowledge and skill, and by holding center stage through verbal performance such as storytelling, joking, or imparting information. From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention. So, men are more comfortable speaking in larger groups made up of people they know less well--in the broadest sense, public speaking or report talk.
adapted from
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
by Deborah Tannen, Ph.D.
William Morrow and Company, Inc. New York, 1990
This is the sort of personal information men who are casual acquaintances usually do not exchange face-to-face. Try to imagine 5 or 6 middle-aged men standing around at a bottle-show and someone for no apparent reason asks, "How old are you?" Then try to imagine some of the men volunteering an answer. It just doesn't happen in the normal course of conversation.
I am interested in social psychology, and this seems to be an anomaly. Here is a handout I prepared for a class I offered a few years ago. It deals with patterns of conversation which predominate in each gender, but I think you'll see the connection. Tell me what you think.
----------------------Harry Pristis
RAPPORT TALK AND REPORT TALK
Do women and men really communicate differently? Part of the answer seems to lie in the difference between what may be termed private and public speaking. More women feel comfortable doing "private speaking" while more men feel comfortable doing "public speaking." Another way of describing these differences is by using the terms rapport talk and report talk.For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences. From childhood, girls criticize peers who try to stand out or appear better than others. Women feel their closest connections at home, or in settings where they feel at home--with one or a few people they feel close to and comfortable with--in other words, during private speaking or rapport talk.
For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. This is done by exhibiting knowledge and skill, and by holding center stage through verbal performance such as storytelling, joking, or imparting information. From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention. So, men are more comfortable speaking in larger groups made up of people they know less well--in the broadest sense, public speaking or report talk.
adapted from
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
by Deborah Tannen, Ph.D.
William Morrow and Company, Inc. New York, 1990