Talked to a sister I never knew I had yesterday...

[woodswalker]

A few months ago I met my biological father...I had not seen him since I was 5 years old. Well I decided to start searching for that family I never knew...sending out messages to everyone with that last name on Facebook. Eventually I found my Aunt and grandfather who lead me in the direction of my father. Strangely enough he lives within a 50 mile distance from me.
My phone rings yesterday and my real father...(I'm not even sure what to call him) says I have someone I want you to say hi to....and across the line a girl says Hi I'm Miranda your sister...in tears. She had been searching for my younger sister and I for the last 11 years. I also find that I have a niece and a brother named Chad who lives in New Mexico and that there would have been another sister but she died at six weeks old.

I can't wait to meet her and this other "lost" part of my family...but I am afraid of the rifts it might cause between my mother and the father that raised me. My younger sister is getting married in July...I feel its her choice whether or not our real father comes but our mother is completely against it! I have enough stress in my life right now with the health issues I've been having...my doctor thinks I'm making myself sick with stress and on top of everything else they found a lump and I go back for more tests tomorrow...
I don't know whether to be happy or depressed right now....
I can't wait to meet my sister Miranda and her daughter and get to know that missing part of me!
Amanda

 

[blobbottlebob]

Hey Amanda,
Best of luck with your health problems, I hope everything turns out okay. I think that your biological father is entirely to blame for losing contact with you all of those years ago. That is inexcusable. Can you imagine abandoning your child? The new children (your half siblings) are not to blame. But your bio-dad's actions temper everything. If your REAL parents, the ones who raised you, are uncomfortable around your bio-father, I'd try to respect their wishes and not bring him around. However, what you do on your time is up to you. Don't give your bio-dad too much respect because he doesn't deserve it. Seriously. And lastly. Have fun with it. It might be neat to have a new sister, but don't be too invested in the drama. Just have fun if it is fun. Forget it if its not. Just my humble opinion.

 

[blobbottlebob]

Oh and Congrats![]

 

[ktbi]

Hi Amanda....What a situation. I truly hope it all works well for you and please take care of your health. Keep us posted..Ron

 

[woodswalker]

I'm very excited to meet my sister...as for my real father coming to my other sisters wedding I don't think it'll happen. She see's no reason to involve him in her life when he wasn't there the first 25 years...i kinda agree I just hope she doesn't regret it later.
I met my biological father in December of 09...almost didn't but am glad now that I did and have been learning things I didn't know and trying my best to except him into my life somewhat....
I still know and will alway love and appreciate the man I think of as my real father, even tho he isn't he is the one who was there when times were rough....he is my dad <3
But should I feel bad for not knowing what to call my biological father? I call him by his name and feel like everytime I do I hurt his feelings....oh well only time will tell and we'll have to see if he really wants to have a relationship with me now....there is still time for him to gain my trust...he just has 30 years to make up for...

Amanda

 

[PrivyCheese]

Dearest Amanda, I too agree that you should respect your parents feelings about your Bio-dad. But your relationship with him is just that...yours and yours only. I too would be glad to meet other siblings you might have. We cant have enough people in our lives that love us. Never can have to much love. As far as what to call him?....He has to earn the right to be called Dad....maybe in time...Its never to late. As you said he has alot to make up. Tell your REAL Dad he has nothing to worry about...He is your Dad. Dont worry about hurting your Bio-dads feelings....He wasnt worried about yours for 25 yrs. There maybe a reason...but there is no excuse. call him by his God given name....and maybe in time you can have two dads.

As far as your sis is concerned....she can have or not have anyone at her wedding she wants to...its her day. Dont hold it against her...she has to deal with it in her own way....which isnt wrong or right. I hope your health issues workout. Remember your health is your first concern. dont stress over all of this....it should be a blessing in your life. You already know how the rest of the people in your life feel about it...simply dont discuss it with them...Your an adult and can have any level of relationship with your Bio-dad that you want to. Life is to short....enjoy it.

 

[blobbottlebob]

Well put Baltodigger,
I agree that you need to protect yourself and safeguard your well being especially when you have serious concerns about your health.

I'm sorry if this seems too rough but I am absolutlely sickened that your bio-father left you behind at age five. Once again, I think that this behaviour is close to unforgivable. That his feelings are hurt NOW when you don't call him "Dad" shows that he's still got a lot of maturing to do. What a load of crap! If he had a clue, he'd understand that he wasn't a father to you and he has no right to expect that you would call him "Dad". He'd back away from his 'hurt feelings' and give you whatever space you needed. Instead, he's a wounded self-rightous self-centered idiot. He's got a lot to make up for and frankly - I don't know if he can.
However, if this is important to you than get to know him a bit. Don't give too much and don't expect too much. Maybe then there is some room for something good. Who knows? Make sure your love up your real parents.

As far as your sister having regrets in the future - - - First off, it's her life. Secondly, regrets are over-rated. People shouldn't look back and second guess their choices (when they make the best decision they can). If you factor in all of the information you have at the time of a decision and you make an honest reasoned choice that seems like the best thing you can do, then there should be no regrets. You did your best. That's all you can expect of yourself. Even if things turn out differently down the road, ease up and give yourself a break. If it turns out that you really screwed up (like your bio-dad) then do everything in your power to make things right. That doesn't include wallowing in self-pity.

 

[blobbottlebob]

Hey Amanda,
How did the further tests turn out? Hope things went well.

 

[woodswalker]

I agree completely and will probably never feel comfortable calling him dad...tho I am very excited to meet my sister on Sunday...and also learning that I had another half sister that died at 6 weeks and a brother that lives in Texas....As far as I know now I have at east 6-7 half brothers and sisters...WOW! Guess my bio-dad was a busy guy back in the 80's. And yeah he wasn't much of a man to leave his 5 year and 1 year old daughters...but I was adopted and raised by a great man that I think of as my dad
My Younger sister will have her big day and invite who she pleases...it is HER day and I just want her to be happy.

As for all the test so far everything has come back negative but they still insist on trying to push every pill there is down my throat and schedule me for more tests...my health has slowed me down quite a bit in the last few weeks...but I am feeling better and trying to get with a good doctor that specializes in stomach problems....my doctor blames it all on stress and I know thats not the reason and they still can't come up with a good explanation of the frequent migraines that last for days...We'll see what the doc has to say Friday when I go back and hopefully I'll get a reference to a good doctor not a pill pusher!!
Amanda

 

[Just Dig it]

My biological Father is a coaine loving electrician ..i have four sisters i do not know...he deffinatley showed me how not to be a man...the first day i met him he snapped and punched me in the nose ..i was 14..kicked him where the sun dont shine and thats that...i have a beautiful one and a half year old girl... he does not deserve to know she exists..im gonna be 26 this year
People carry the gift of love with them...some look a gift horse in the mouth

Heres to my life My Happiness and me just accepting it

Like Tupac And Sting Both Said...thats just the way it is ..some things will never change

Get Well soon and goodluck with everything that dear to you...Eric mass