He got up on a log and kept walking. I have heard beavers slap the water with their tale trying to chase people away. I've not had one give me the evil eye and walk up so close to us.
and I'm waddling fatly along my property line on a beautiful spring day, the birds are singing, the fish are jumping, and I see big ugly river monsters poking my beautiful home with a branch. Oh, the horror! They are daring to trespass on the lands of my fathers! What the hell are they doing? It looks like they are taking out my broken soda bottle foundation! I must scourge them to protect my family! I hesitate - my heart pounds in fear - how best to proceed? But I can not stand here all day waffling in indecision while they wreck and plunder my lovely home - I slap my tail imperiously to get their attention. It works! They leave off rooting in the muck and come closer - I bravely hold my ground but my heart is in my throat. Then they start taking pictures of me! Laughing at me! Oh, the dirty wankers! Oh, the humiliation! I will rip them to shreds and feed them to my kids! I will throw their bones to the wolves! I will - run up and bite them on the ankle . . . I puff myself up to huge dimensions and fix them with my most lethal stare. As I swell I feel waves of deadly force radiating from my body creating an invincible shield. I throw caution to the wind and waddle up to them at my top speed - first they are rooted to the spot in panic -and then they retreat in terror! I am lord of the river and no one defiles my home and lives to tell about it!
