Tandy
Well-Known Member
Having recently come across this interesting piece, I felt it was only right and proper to see it and come to your own conclusions. It would seem that F. diggingii is extremely infectious, and as yet no cure exists.
Futilis diggingii P. Hill
Recent articles in "Stamp News" and other worthy magazines have highlighted the medical problems that are associated with collecting and allied activities connected with collecting. I think, therefore, that this is an opportune time to bring people's attention to a condition known as Futilis diggingii or 'Hole digging' as it is mote commonly known.
This disease - for disease it must surely be, should not be confused with similar conditions such as Miningus shaftii (species Black face, Opal face), Erectus eventualis (foundation syndrome), or even Archaeologia ancientus (particularly prevalent in Mediterranean countries).
The first recorded case of F. diggingii was discovered by two people who sniggered quietly to themselves as the victim noisily dug himself into oblivion in a small English rubbish dump. The enraged, sweating body accompanied by detached, muttered oaths served not only to entertain the audience but also provided the first clues as to the source of the problem.
This would seem to be the empty bottles that are the treasured rewards of hours, sometimes days, of effort. The confusion of someone not afflicted is further compounded by the fact that while digging, large amounts of liquid are sometimes consumed from full amber bottles taken to the site of the ritual "dig". The easily emptied bottles are then cast aside, even buried in the same holes from whence empty ones have been painfully extracted.
F. diggingii has inspired many comments but one of the most important and direct was made by a famous neurosurgeon who accidentally came across a victim in his own backyard (so to speak), "What the bloody 'ell are you doing? You fool''. Not the reaction of a sensitive professional of course, but what was he to make of it. The same could be said of the American psychiatrist who, upon falling down one of the first U.S. holes, said considerably more, (as did the digger upon whom he fell).
As has already been mentioned, the result of an attack is a prolonged bout of digging, scraping, and muttering. But what can bring on these symptoms. Space does not permit all of the reasons but I will list a few for your assistance.
1. The sight of another victim in a typical F. diggingii pose i.e. bent backed down a hole with a fork in one hand and a piece of broken bottle in another.
2. Broken glass on an otherwise innocent looking surface, be it cow paddock or playing field.
A case was recently reported of a 'digger' attending a backyard barbecue where the hostess accidentally dropped a glass on the outside entertaining area. A glazed look immediately entered the "diggers" eyes and he began salivating even mote profusely than when the hostess had shown him her prize petunias. He quickly summed up the situation and rushed to his car, parked in the driveway, and took out his fork and probe. No amount of restraining by other guests could prevent him from digging a huge hole in the lawn and patio. Unfortunately the attack was short lived and in five hours time the "digger" became more coherent and was able to polish off a few chops and sausages and inevitably several cold botttes of Southwark (beer).
3. The sight of an old bottle in a junk shop has quite often had the sequel of a "digger" dashing to a known dump and indulging himself in a hole.
4.An about to be demolished building in an older suburb has been directly responsible for many outbreaks of F. diggingii with its associated pleading, cajoling, bribing and, I'm sorry to say, occasionally outright thieving. Many a weary "digger" has returned home with brickdust in his hair sooty tear stained cheeks, split and bleeding finger ends and a blistered elbow from leaning and looking at what might have been.
5.Merely talking to another known "digger" is often more than enough to bring on an attack. Indeed it is a known fact amongst certain members of the medical profession that these people form groups and have shared "digs". This is surely evidence of self - induced F. diggingii at its worst. The sight of a band of "diggers" dancing around a freshly dug hole their ritual chants ("Oh look, another Ginger Beer" and "Oh dear me, I've broken it") rending the still night air is, to say the least, horrific.
Futilis diggingii has its own jargon. The self – organized group therapy sessions are held under the auspices of F. A. (Futilis Anonymous) are regularly punctuated with the cries of "Maughams", "GB's" or "Round and Point Enders. The latter may be in reference to their bottles or their fellow "diggers". No one is really sure. Money changes hands at these F. A. meetings; this is another bizarre aspect of the disease sufferers are persuaded to part with their trophies by other "diggers" and even by "non diggers".
What can we normal people do to help these unfortunate sufferers? In a word, nothing. Recovery from F. diggingii is rare, though with increasing age and the occasional corresponding increase in intelligence the attacks become less frequent. 0f the fully recovered victims, it is unfortunately the case that a more intense mal du tete (or mat du derriere as it is known to their friends usually rears its ugly head Uniformis nazissus (the collecting of old own clothes) or Scallopus empticus. The latter has the victim wandering aimlessly along deserted beaches all round the world.
I have already stated that advancing years and increased intelligence takes its toll on "diggers". The best approach therefore would seem to be the one that relatives normally take leave them alone, they are happy in their blissful ignorance. Generally they do very little harm to man or beast. Obviously there will always be exceptions to this rule - an unsuspecting horse may fall into a recently dug pit, or a "digger" may be bitten by one of his children who has failed to recognize him. By and large though, they are harmless men and women who possibly should be pitied and humoured and, best of all, totally ignored. After all, tolerating symptoms of lunacy is one thing, encouraging them is an entirely different, and, in my view, deplorable attitude.
What should a normal person do if he thinks he is about to succumb to an initial attack of the "digs". Many alternatives are available; read a book on obscure Korean martial arts, learn to tap dance, take up yoga or any other tiring physical exercise. Whilst diggers come from all walks of life it would seem to me that they mainly occupy sedentary positions such as teachers, students, housewives, and farmers and as such fall easy prey to F. diggingii.
In conclusion then, Futilis diggingii is harmless if contained within its own peer group. Mass outbreaks of "the digs" is totally unknown. "Diggers" are to be pitied not ridiculed or persecuted. if allowed to run its course, F. diggingii even seems to bring relief and pleasure to its victims. If only there were more maladies like this!
Futilis diggingii P. Hill
Recent articles in "Stamp News" and other worthy magazines have highlighted the medical problems that are associated with collecting and allied activities connected with collecting. I think, therefore, that this is an opportune time to bring people's attention to a condition known as Futilis diggingii or 'Hole digging' as it is mote commonly known.
This disease - for disease it must surely be, should not be confused with similar conditions such as Miningus shaftii (species Black face, Opal face), Erectus eventualis (foundation syndrome), or even Archaeologia ancientus (particularly prevalent in Mediterranean countries).
The first recorded case of F. diggingii was discovered by two people who sniggered quietly to themselves as the victim noisily dug himself into oblivion in a small English rubbish dump. The enraged, sweating body accompanied by detached, muttered oaths served not only to entertain the audience but also provided the first clues as to the source of the problem.
This would seem to be the empty bottles that are the treasured rewards of hours, sometimes days, of effort. The confusion of someone not afflicted is further compounded by the fact that while digging, large amounts of liquid are sometimes consumed from full amber bottles taken to the site of the ritual "dig". The easily emptied bottles are then cast aside, even buried in the same holes from whence empty ones have been painfully extracted.
F. diggingii has inspired many comments but one of the most important and direct was made by a famous neurosurgeon who accidentally came across a victim in his own backyard (so to speak), "What the bloody 'ell are you doing? You fool''. Not the reaction of a sensitive professional of course, but what was he to make of it. The same could be said of the American psychiatrist who, upon falling down one of the first U.S. holes, said considerably more, (as did the digger upon whom he fell).
As has already been mentioned, the result of an attack is a prolonged bout of digging, scraping, and muttering. But what can bring on these symptoms. Space does not permit all of the reasons but I will list a few for your assistance.
1. The sight of another victim in a typical F. diggingii pose i.e. bent backed down a hole with a fork in one hand and a piece of broken bottle in another.
2. Broken glass on an otherwise innocent looking surface, be it cow paddock or playing field.
A case was recently reported of a 'digger' attending a backyard barbecue where the hostess accidentally dropped a glass on the outside entertaining area. A glazed look immediately entered the "diggers" eyes and he began salivating even mote profusely than when the hostess had shown him her prize petunias. He quickly summed up the situation and rushed to his car, parked in the driveway, and took out his fork and probe. No amount of restraining by other guests could prevent him from digging a huge hole in the lawn and patio. Unfortunately the attack was short lived and in five hours time the "digger" became more coherent and was able to polish off a few chops and sausages and inevitably several cold botttes of Southwark (beer).
3. The sight of an old bottle in a junk shop has quite often had the sequel of a "digger" dashing to a known dump and indulging himself in a hole.
4.An about to be demolished building in an older suburb has been directly responsible for many outbreaks of F. diggingii with its associated pleading, cajoling, bribing and, I'm sorry to say, occasionally outright thieving. Many a weary "digger" has returned home with brickdust in his hair sooty tear stained cheeks, split and bleeding finger ends and a blistered elbow from leaning and looking at what might have been.
5.Merely talking to another known "digger" is often more than enough to bring on an attack. Indeed it is a known fact amongst certain members of the medical profession that these people form groups and have shared "digs". This is surely evidence of self - induced F. diggingii at its worst. The sight of a band of "diggers" dancing around a freshly dug hole their ritual chants ("Oh look, another Ginger Beer" and "Oh dear me, I've broken it") rending the still night air is, to say the least, horrific.
Futilis diggingii has its own jargon. The self – organized group therapy sessions are held under the auspices of F. A. (Futilis Anonymous) are regularly punctuated with the cries of "Maughams", "GB's" or "Round and Point Enders. The latter may be in reference to their bottles or their fellow "diggers". No one is really sure. Money changes hands at these F. A. meetings; this is another bizarre aspect of the disease sufferers are persuaded to part with their trophies by other "diggers" and even by "non diggers".
What can we normal people do to help these unfortunate sufferers? In a word, nothing. Recovery from F. diggingii is rare, though with increasing age and the occasional corresponding increase in intelligence the attacks become less frequent. 0f the fully recovered victims, it is unfortunately the case that a more intense mal du tete (or mat du derriere as it is known to their friends usually rears its ugly head Uniformis nazissus (the collecting of old own clothes) or Scallopus empticus. The latter has the victim wandering aimlessly along deserted beaches all round the world.
I have already stated that advancing years and increased intelligence takes its toll on "diggers". The best approach therefore would seem to be the one that relatives normally take leave them alone, they are happy in their blissful ignorance. Generally they do very little harm to man or beast. Obviously there will always be exceptions to this rule - an unsuspecting horse may fall into a recently dug pit, or a "digger" may be bitten by one of his children who has failed to recognize him. By and large though, they are harmless men and women who possibly should be pitied and humoured and, best of all, totally ignored. After all, tolerating symptoms of lunacy is one thing, encouraging them is an entirely different, and, in my view, deplorable attitude.
What should a normal person do if he thinks he is about to succumb to an initial attack of the "digs". Many alternatives are available; read a book on obscure Korean martial arts, learn to tap dance, take up yoga or any other tiring physical exercise. Whilst diggers come from all walks of life it would seem to me that they mainly occupy sedentary positions such as teachers, students, housewives, and farmers and as such fall easy prey to F. diggingii.
In conclusion then, Futilis diggingii is harmless if contained within its own peer group. Mass outbreaks of "the digs" is totally unknown. "Diggers" are to be pitied not ridiculed or persecuted. if allowed to run its course, F. diggingii even seems to bring relief and pleasure to its victims. If only there were more maladies like this!
] Now, if you'll excuse me, I just saw the sun hit something shiny outside......
