Funny joke, story, etc post
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cyberdigger
Well-Known Member
I blow bubbles now.. [
]
]cc6pack
Well-Known Member
Tickle Me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles
cyberdigger
Well-Known Member
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][][][][][][][]cc6pack
Well-Known Member
Dinner
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and
he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and
he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
capsoda
Well-Known Member
OK, OK, OK....
A duck walks into a bar and just stands there until the bartender says, "Whatcha want duck" and the duck asks, "Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "No" and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks into the bar and again when asked what he wants the duck says, "You got any nails" and the bartender says, "No, I told ya yesterday I aint got any nails". So the duck goes away.
The third day the duck came in and the bartender says, "Duck if you ask if I have any nails I will nail your feet to the floor and kick you like a soccer ball right out the door"!!! So the duck looks the bartender straight in the eyes and said, "Do you have any hammers" and the bartender screamed "NOOOOO" and the duck says "Well then, ya got any nails"!!!!
A duck walks into a bar and just stands there until the bartender says, "Whatcha want duck" and the duck asks, "Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "No" and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks into the bar and again when asked what he wants the duck says, "You got any nails" and the bartender says, "No, I told ya yesterday I aint got any nails". So the duck goes away.
The third day the duck came in and the bartender says, "Duck if you ask if I have any nails I will nail your feet to the floor and kick you like a soccer ball right out the door"!!! So the duck looks the bartender straight in the eyes and said, "Do you have any hammers" and the bartender screamed "NOOOOO" and the duck says "Well then, ya got any nails"!!!!
ktbi
Well-Known Member
These are from the Washington Post a few years ago. Readers were asked to take any word, change one letter and supply a new definition.
Bozone – The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy – Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration – The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm – The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Osteopornosis – A degenerate disease.
Glibido – All talk and no action.
Ignoranus – A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Merry Christmas.....Ron
Bozone – The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy – Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration – The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm – The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Osteopornosis – A degenerate disease.
Glibido – All talk and no action.
Ignoranus – A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Merry Christmas.....Ron
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