Some personal advice please

[sandchip]

Eric, I don't know what to tell you other than that I'll be putting you and your daddy in my prayers. Mama has Alzheimer's and doesn't even know me anymore. No big deal though, because I still know her. I looked after her for years and it damned near killed me, but in reality, she was as good a patient as one could ask for. When I told her we had to go here or there, no problem whatsoever, which is a rare trait in dementia sufferers. Heck, she was the best mama anybody could ask for. In the mid 70s, she was working as librarian and assistant city clerk back when I first started collecting bottles, and would track down every bottle book she could find at other libraries, and bring them home to me. I would've never known about all the great glass out there if not for her, so the least I could do was to look after her long as I could.

Anyway, you have to sorta feel your way along in figuring out what tactics work with the individual, and I wish you the best of luck. If you have any siblings willing to help, that should make it easier. I have a brother and sister, but never got a lick of help out of them. It was always, "I never hear from you, so I figure you've got it under control." I felt that if they'd've come around once in a while, they could've seen that the grass needed mowing, or dishes, laundry, or cooking needed doing. When it needed doing, I just did it. I didn't have time to call them and see when it might be convenient for them to stop by and help. Hell, Mama would have starved or been stinking using that method of sharing the load with them. What's bad is that my brother works at a plant here in town, 4 days on, 4 days off. And here I was, trying to keep things together with my wife and kids at home, run a business and look after Mama. Rough on the nerves!

PM me for my cell number if you need to talk. I can at least listen and maybe offer what worked in my situation.

 

[glass man]

HATE TO READ THIS ERIC!My mom had it too and my dad had alzhimers at the same time.Nina and I were the ones that looked after them..t was horrible..mom could not remember from minute to minute and dad hallucinated... We had a baby monitor in his room and in the living room..I would sit in the living room where I could see down the short hall t his room also..one whole night I heard him seem to be asking questions though I could not understand what he was saying..a voice lower then his would gentle then talk and seemed like it was answering pop. I felt it was an Angel or something..so I didn't go to the room to see.Dad had been a paint foreman and we painted his room many nights..did no good to tell him what he sa or was doing wasn't real..it was real to him and since I had taken acid before I could relate.. My mom would fight us if she didn't get er way about things..things that could be bad for her..... WHEW!

Just be creative as some one mentioned earlier..can't the people come to see him?

Sure will be praying...I know it is tough for you...HANG IN THERE BUDDY!!!! JAMIE

 

[glass man]

YEP get it out of your system if you can!!I would scream when by myself...cry a lot..and sure prayed a lot!!! JAMIE

 

[frozenmonkeyface]

My grandfather had Alzheimer's and it was so hard to watch him. He remembered me, of all people, but couldn't remember a lot of others that visited him a lot more than I. I was young so my mom tended to keep us at a distance because he had it for as far back as I can remember.

Anyway, my suggestion. Don't mention the family and maybe make it out to sound like a road trip to the house or even to the state? Figure out what there is to stop and see along the way and talk that stuff up, perking his interest maybe? Its hard to make suggestions for someone you don't know but if it were my dad, and he is very stubborn as well, if you take the focus off of HIM and onto other things, maybe it will relieve some of the tension?

I hope everything goes well, and its very nice of you to want to do something so kind for your father!

 

[cowseatmaize]

Thanks again everyone, it's going to be hard time thinking what's next. I think the trip is canceled for a few reasons now though.
Anyway, I called to say goodnight just now and he asked if I was up and had my breakfast.
Since his friend moved away things have got worse. They at least had a Sunday routine together if not an occasional dinner mid week.